Nicole vs. Life
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
