it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
