He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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