I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
