is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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