I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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