if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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