So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
