would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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