So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
