dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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