I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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