All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
