did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
