im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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