i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
