one might say we're banned from that church
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i think my cat just said my name.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
