Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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