two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
