I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
