i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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