It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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