I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
