I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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