she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
