explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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