well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
this will be a night to untag.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
