Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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