this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
