I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
