a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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