life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
