Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
