Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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