Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
