Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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