My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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