Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
