dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
