found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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