And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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