I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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