never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
