Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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