Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
