i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
