Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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