So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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