tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
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As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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