First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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