Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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