dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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