My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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