I have demons in me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
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Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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