I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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