She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
