forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
