i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
