i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This is my gift to your gina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
