I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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