A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
