I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In America we eat man semen.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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