youre lurking in front of me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
