its not stalking. its research.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
