I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
