I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wear drunk well.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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