You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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