My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
