He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
